Brief Thoughts on Kindness

Occasionally, I still run across timeworn, washed-out signs sayings “Commit Random Acts of Kindness.” It’s difficult to fathom that such a sweet sentiment could circulate widely when in the news “random” is often followed by “violence,” “gunman” or “shootings.” Worse yet, is that tag words such as  “another” or “all too often” are the descriptive adjectives. You might shake your head so often you worry you’re developing unintentional tremors. It’s sad.

Folks handle it differently. Some may shed a tear, write a letter to the editor, scream at the TV, take on the mantle of a part-time activist, or try to ignore it all. The latter choice – trying to ‘ignore it’ – can be more challenging than it sounds, at least for me. It animates the ugly head of depression while internalizing anger or futility. I might notice increased negativity. I may begin to take more stock in overheard conversations questioning “where is society going?” [I suspect that is a frequent bewilderment from most decent people, despite views on politics, media, regulation, religion or morals.]

Doing something to combat it yourself may seem a waste of time. Useless or inadequate. Still, I wonder if it doesn’t help both society around us and ourselves if we at least try. But where to start?

Yes, yes, you saw it coming. I want to revive the concept of those random acts of kindness. Is it naïve? Perhaps. Too little, too late? That too may be true. But it can’t hurt – and will make me feel better.

It Doesn’t Take Much to Feel a bit Better

It doesn’t take much to be kind. I only need to voice the compliment I’m already thinking, or reach-out with a smile, give a teenager an ear to let off steam, send a hug coupon, make that long-promised phone call, or maybe offer a ride or a chore for someone when it’s not expected.

One morning last year, while stopping at the front door to lock up, I saw a yellow notice on our little yellow car. I sighed. I figured it’s some bad news, or a ticket from the city. Walking down the driveway I could see it didn’t appear official; sadly, I speculated “what now?” Is a neighbor complaining about something? Reporting an issue to deal with and that’s going to cost me bucks? Instead it was a yellow sticky note attached to the driver’s window that said:

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“Stay positive, Dude.”

Did I smile? No. Not at first. I still deliberated. Was it admonishment for some perceived negative curmudgeon look from me or my husband? I questioned whether it could simply be a kind thought.

Looking up and down the street, I figured it out. All the cars had such notes. I couldn’t resist; I had to check out a few to see what was written and figure out the motive. None were alike, but all were upbeat, cute or compassionate. After getting in my car, I was still so intrigued that I drove around the block to explore further. Sure enough, yellow sticky notes over the entire area of streets I visited.

Quite likely, I’ll never know who did this. We are surrounded by university students and perhaps it was their energy and enthusiasm that tackled such a project. [The “Dude” swayed me in that direction.] But maybe it was a retired neighbor spreading cheer. Either way, the sticky note is now faded and crumbled but still sits in a kitchen drawer. Periodically it makes me smile. I’d wagered I’m not the only one who kept it.

Yesterday, friendly-acquaintance, Katlin sent me a short email to compliment some work I’d done – work that I wasn’t sure anyone even noticed. It was heart-warming to me and probably delighted her to have taken the moment to contact me. And a moment is often all it takes. We don’t all have to plan a sticky-note project; or dedicate an entire day to running someone’s errands. Any little random nicety will suffice.

I realize this doesn’t ease the pain of seeing the extinguished lives of church-goers, concert attendees, shoppers or school children shot down on a spot where they breathed a moment earlier. It doesn’t change the deep sympathy we have for the altered bodies and lives of the injured or survivors who carry ever-lasting pain. But given a choice, none of them would choose to extend the cycle of cruelty.

Many societal problems are deeply systemic, like economic inequities, distrust between races, or fierce political divisions. They’re ‘all too common’ (to use the dreaded phrase from above) and get lots of media coverage. I suspect some of us fear we are feeling anesthetized and driven into daze by repeated events. You can’t take it all in. I recall a 1980s song sung by Canadian, Anne Murray, with lyrics that included “We sure could use a little Good News today.”

Feasibly, we could commit to just that – create our own little good news for today, using those random acts of kindness. When drifting into sleep at night (after the evening news has repeated the same tragedies only with different names and faces), we could quietly review some random acts from our daily lives. Feel just a bit of the kindness around us. I will commit to try.

In the meantime, Stay Positive Dude.