In April, I attended the Ashland Independent Film Festival in southern Oregon. Lucky me. It has a rightfully earned reputation and a carefully crafted variety of films. As with many movies, I walked out of several with an underlying and common reminder – that I am fortunate and should be more grateful.
Sometimes, I quietly contemplate this; other times it hits me like an auto accident – abrupt, painful and with side-effects still to be determined. Problem is, the “gratitude-attitude” doesn’t always stick. Would I be better off if it did firmly ‘stick’? Most definitely.
Right on cue, while pondering all this, I got another appreciative blast. My cousin, Shirley, (whom I introduced you to in the post: Interviewing a Nonagenarian – Shirley B), wrote me about the tough northeast winter just wrapping up. Despite her situation, the up-beat sentiments she sent were what she described as “a little rhyme from long ago.”
“As you travel on through life, Brother —
whatever be your goal —
Keep your eye upon the donut,
and not upon the hole.”
That is PERFECT, and is so keeping with her nature. Unfortunately, it is not my nature. I would like it to be. Yet, my grasp on gratefulness is soft and my success is elusive. We have all read popular literature and studies (see below) purposing that gratitude keeps us healthier and happier. Those with the half-full glass aren’t just less thirsty; they are happier and tend to be healthier.
I knew all this. I have known it for a long while. What I don’t know is how to maintain feelings of gratitude without tedious commitments in life. Commitments such as the oft-recommended “Gratitude Journal,” or the morning routine of listing items for that day’s thankfulness, obviously work for some. Still, they are an onerous chore in my mind.
I imagine that some people may think it’s cheating, trying to demonstrate a feeling you don’t own. I can’t agree. I am more influenced by the philosophy of “Acting as If” – encouraging good thoughts. Bottom line is that I want to be more grateful, but it has to feel somewhat natural and come without a chunk of time attached. I half-heartedly searched for more ideas, knowing I’m resistant to spending time on this particular self-improvement. Finally, I settled back on Cousin Shirley’s sing-song jingle.
Trying to think about the entire rhyme in full (one I did not learn in the nursery, by the way) would also take me too much time. So I landed on the idea of using a physical cue – one hand makes the donut (basically a fist), the other hand the hole. My own little physical affirmation.
Okay. Good. So, now what? Where or when to use the cue? How to remember it? Here is the short list I decided on. Maybe you will benefit from it too. I will watch to see my own improvements (if any) as well.
1. When I hear a negative statement (or assessment) come out of my mouth, WHEN a positive one would suffice……’donut, not hole’ cue.
2. When the phone rings. Even though I expect an unwelcomed call, or it comes at a bad time, I plan to hear the ringing phone as a simple reminder to do the donut-hole cue – despite whether the phone is answered or not. [The sound could be my time for appreciation just recognizing I am not required to answer it.] This ring-association is simply an attempt for me to join the pack of Pavlov’s dogs.
3. When I am complimented, I will attempt to discreetly use the cue. This, instead of simply deflecting the praise. [Remembering, of course, to compliment others, which will make ME feel better along with them. It’s like those “random acts of kindness.” This latter part is much easier for me and comes more naturally than the first. I am sure I am not alone.]
4. When using a Password. I plan to change at least one password that I regularly employ to include a thank you phrase, gratitude point or the ‘donut-hole’ cue. Consider that this may serve any of us as a regular reminder. [As an example, someone might use IATFMC&GK to prompt the idea “I am thankful for my children & grand kids.]
Final Thought
I realize there are scores more, but many not as easy. Change is difficult – not just as we age, but during most of life. These notions are simple and quick, not to mention having particular built-in reminders. If I can increase my quiet times of thankfulness even a bit, well…..I will be grateful.
Wealth – and Health – Begin Within
Variation of an ancient Rabbinic teaching
Don’t take buying levitra from canada this solution in the event that you are under 18 y.o. The natural ingredients help men to gain viagra professional cure of various sexual disorders. Much like Sarah Fisher, Jim Allison was also a team owner and his teams competed in many Indianapolis Motor online viagra sales Speedway races which culminated in a win during the 1919 Indy 500. A order cialis online http://deeprootsmag.org/category/departments/awayoutthere/page/3/ majority of men choose generic pill because it does not need to be swallowed, gulped or need to be experienced firsthand. References:
Multiple studies on gratitude improving psychological health by Robert Emmons.
His many research studies have been pointed to as confirming that gratitude effectively increases happiness as well as reducing depression
Psychology Today: Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude.
Examining the Pathways between Gratitude and Self-Rated Physical Health across Adulthood
Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine monk, meditates and writes on “the gentle power” of gratefulness. Link to his 2013 Ted Talk on gratefulness.
HeartMath Institute research on Gratitude
BioMed Central Public Health research on increasing happiness by helping others.
—
Picture credit: Glass half empty/full. Geralt 17247 via Pixabay
Good reminders Barbara. I am passing this along to my daughter and some others I know…. fits in beautifully with my Al Anon program.
Dump the donut; it’s junk food–given with all the shoulds and self-recriminations that come with it. Cut through it all via Zen.
See free online D.T. Suzuki’s Introduction to Zen Buddhism.