When contemplating this mid-month post, an idea (and its related research) simply fell into my lap. One of my aunts (long gone) used to send “Hug Coupons” to people – including them in bill payments, or cards, or left with a tip. Beginning with a woman’s club at her upstate New York church, the coupon project was launched — and my aunt perfected it. I didn’t know about it, but now that I do…..Whoa, the prospects are limitless.
My cousin has the ‘master copy,’ but I decided to revamp it and share my version with you. Is this more than just a “sweet” thing to do? Yes, research shows that if you have a dispute with someone, or just ‘words’ (what researchers call interpersonal conflict), a hug can help (offering “attenuation of negative mood”).
Basically, when an argument puts us in a bad mood, a hug can bring us out of it. This study (from PLOS – Public Library of Science), revealed that most people respond the same. The study sample was large (404 adults) with daily repeated assessments (over 14 consecutive days). While women had more conflicts, and more hugs, both men and women benefited equally. It also didn’t matter if subjects were married (or in a martial-like relationship) or not. After controlling for other specifics, such as social situations, individual affect and perceived support (as well as gleaning information from other research), the benefits of hugs were clear. Alternative causes for the gains (alternatives to hugging) were rejected. Bottom line – hugs good! Well, imagine that.
“Greet one another with a Holy Hug”
— Romans 16:16
Does the Kind of Hug Matter?
The embrace doesn’t have to be a “Holy Hug” (as in the Romans quotation above), but it does matter how it is perceived. If the hug-receivers feel it to be a non-verbal judgement, portraying them as “not competent to manage stressors,” the result is not as favorable; it can even be annoying.
“What the hug conveys to recipients” is significant. You might think ‘well, don’t all hugs help?’ Maybe. Yet, think to yourself of a situation in which you were hugged by someone and you felt they were being condescending somehow, either by words or little back-pats. You can imagine the difference between that ‘judge hug’ and a sincere one.
If our enfolding arms convey to a person that we understand, validate them and are emphatic, then we offer a great deal more sustenance than by words alone. It’s another reminder of that old marketing adage that our verbal message is only 7% of our entire communication.
To be clear, the hug can come from anyone, not just the person with whom you might have argued. It may be a friend, child, family, good acquaintance or spouse — not just a romantic partner. The interpersonal touch the researchers refer to is non-sexual. Although in the climate of today, if you are at all uncertain, it may be best to make your intent known. Perhaps open your arms, but don’t encircle the intended party before asking “Can I give you a hug?”
The more positive mood changes (along with less negative outlook) were seen only on the day you (the hug-recipient) experienced the hassle and received the hug. Yet, even the next day, while the level of positive affect diminishes, there are noticeably less negative residual feelings leftover from the disturbance. This is compared to those who didn’t receive a hug on the day of disruption. This particular study didn’t control for severity of conflict, asking how bad was the fight. Still, I doubt any are uplifting.
…
Practical Application
Back to my aunt and her coupons. A small piece of scrap-like paper doesn’t provide the interpersonal touch we are exploring. However, it does offer two assets:
- A reminder to others to hug more often;
- A smile and slight uplift in mood simply imaging a hug
(or just the receipt of the voucher).
Considering this, the hug coupon is worth a good deal to me (aside from family history). Thinking others might like the idea and want to start their own habit, I am sharing a copy of the coupon I put together. If you don’t want to design your own, this graphic can be copied, cut, pasted and printed (with 6 copies) on a regular 8×11 piece of paper. Mine was a slapdash effort, but I would love to hear from anyone who prepares a nice coupon.
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“… individuals who engage more frequently in interpersonal touch
enjoy better physical, psychological, and relational health.”
— from referenced study
Final Thought
I don’t believe we actually needed the research to tell us that hugs are comforting. Additionally, I think their value goes way beyond “affect” (or mood) after a quarrel. Knowing what they do for our health, if I could, I would send real hugs to all my readers. (Okay, well…. maybe most anyway.) Yet, since I can’t, I am ending with an “awwwwwh” factor segment below to remind you of the many hugs we give, and the smiles they bring.
Reference:
Citation: Murphy MLM, Janicki-Deverts D, Cohen S (2018) Receiving a hug is associated with the attenuation of negative mood that occurs on days with interpersonal conflict. PLoS ONE 13(10): e0203522. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0203522. October 3, 2018. Retrieved: March, 2019.
With the support of the NIH, “The data presented in this report along with additional information regarding study measures are available online at www.commoncoldproject.com (https://www.cmu.edu/common-cold-project/).”
Picture credits
Title pic – Hug little girl and toy Image by Kasmann on Pixabay
Coupon Picture: Hug Free Hug Panda Image by michaeladrianomatias on Pixabay
Compilation picture :
Hug – Mom & son Image by AdinaVoicu on Pixabay
Hug – Lambchop and friends Image by Ella87 on Pixabay
Hug – Woman and dog Image by henriethaan on Pixabay
Hug – Bell ring for hug Image by KriszM on Pixabay
Hug – Bear hug –Image by JenDigitalArt on Pixabay
Hug – little girl and toy Image by Kasmann on Pixabay
Hug – Ape Hug Image by rabedirkwennigsen on Pixabay
Hug – Grandfather & granddaughter Image by kko669 on Pixabay
