It’s summer. There should be a little fun here. Posts about fun may not be my forte, but what the heck. I guess I have always thought that the small joys experienced in our everyday life that make us laugh are best. I enjoy these daily, and still tend to think that ‘joys’ and ‘jokes’ and ‘fun’ are subjective.
For instance, my least favorite jokes are about marriage (and making fun of our partners) and yet these are ones that so many other people find compelling. On the other hand, ‘Blonde’ jokes seem to be popular again, and I find them quite hilarious. (Being in that category, while the gray is still at bay, I think I am allowed to say that.) Then there’s the 50-50 shot with the ‘old folks’ wit, meaning I have about a 50% chance of being annoyed, while the other 50% is in the laugh out loud variety for me.
I hoot at the really good ones but hesitate to perpetuate the myths too much. So the ‘getting-older’ jokes and witticisms take some careful sorting. After all, we are about Aging with “Pizzazz” – not just pills, poop, problems and pains.
Then, right as I was in the middle of writing this post (well actually had the first draft done), I attended a lecture by Leigh Anne Jasheway (website accidentalcomic.com), stand-up comedian, lecturer, teacher and a multitude of other identities. She said that if at any particular time you are thinking ‘that is just not funny,’ you may be wrong. Your ‘laugh-play response’ may be messed up a bit. It’s all up-for-grabs. Everything from death, cancer, disfigurement and too many other un-funny sounding things to mention have a comical side. We are all better off if we find it. She proved it in several examples. She also mentioned that she ‘had just gotten in from the airport. She didn’t fly anywhere; she just went there for the pat–down.’ She said ‘it sure seems like a lot less commitment — and close to the level you get to on a 3rd date.’ My point in repeating that here? According to her, terrible and even traumatic things like unwelcome sexual advances aren’t positive in any way, but bad situations can be made a bit more bearable with a tad of absurdity and humor introduced.
Yet, most jokes still seem to offend someone. Aside from the meanest type I try to tell myself – ‘just lighten up.’ A laugh is a laugh and if it doesn’t bring pain to others it generally comes as really good medicine.
While I believed most humor was subjective, I have heard some comedians claim that comedy is a formula. Jasheway agrees that there is a formula and said that when she teaches ‘stand-up’, part of the course is definitely about set-up, delivery, punch-lines and things like misdirection. However, she also said that 70% of what we laugh at in the day has nothing to do with such ‘set-up’ jokes; it is just about life – with its ironies, unexpected connections or events, shared experiences, silliness and some things we just can’t explain. Ha! So ‘subjective.’ But whether it is the set-up type or the life type we benefit from real belly-laughing. It supposedly decreases heart rate, increases immunity, concentrates more oxygen in the brain and decreases blood pressure for about 2 hours. All this IF we are letting out a real good guffaw. Turns out all mammals have this ‘laugh-play responses’. Scientists have studied rats and demonstrated that when rats are tickled they actually laugh (watch this video of scientists tickling rats – it may also prove that scientists don’t get out much).
I wonder if we might test these theories and see if we don’t feel better after having a bit of a lark with others. Did you hear that July 24th is National Tell a Joke Day? [No, that is not the start of a joke; it’s true.] While forwarding a comic email to someone may make them grin, there is still nothing like enjoying a joke together and in person. In that way you can actually see someone smile (or perhaps grimace?) and you both can share the moment, no matter how fleeting it may be. So, my point is what, exactly?
How about we all brighten someone’s day on July 24th with a joke? Since I understand that it is technically ‘Tell an OLD joke day,’ I figure it is safe to give you some options that aren’t new, without fearing I am being uncreative or heaven forbid, unamusing. If you don’t have a favorite of your own, borrow from one of these below. At least I didn’t include anything about chicken crossings or fat mamas or opening questions like ‘how hot is it?’ And mostly I left out the political ones because for me that would be like eating Pringles; I would never be able to stop. I wanted to put in the grammatical Panda that eats, shoots and leaves instead of the Panda that eats shoots and leaves, but I figure people may have heard that a bit too much. I admit it still makes me laugh.
I think the major key to the ‘formula’ is surprise – and some of us may accomplish THAT simply by TRYING to tell a joke. Some of the fun may just be in the attempt, meaning the teller may end up BEING THE JOKE. That’s okay, give it a try. You may not be great at it, but everything is better with a smile (or a strange voice?).
If you have a favorite joke share it with us. No doubt it will be better than any I have included here; but sometimes the worse they are the bigger the smile. It’s worth it just to try.
Laughing is contagious, and it’s a great thing to ‘catch.’
A sampling that may make you smile too. You have to like one!
** When God made Eve in the Garden of Paradise, Adam looked alarmed and concerned. To soothe him, God told Adam that one day good and obedient women would be found in every corner of the earth. And then . . . .She made the earth round.
——
** While working for Meals on Wheels delivering lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a set of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”
——
** Joe walks into Starbucks and orders a very complicated and expensive coffee. When they call his name to say his order is ready, he takes a small sip. “Hey”, he shouts “this coffee tastes like mud.”
The barista smiles and says “Well, yes sir, of course, it’s fresh ground.”
——
** A man shows up very late for work. His boss yells, “You should have been here at 8:30!”
The guy looks intrigued and replies “Why? What happened at 8:30?”
——
** A woman was trying hard to get ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. “Hello,” she said tentatively. “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”
——
** There was a very spiritual little old lady who would step out on her porch every day, raise her arms to the sky and yell, “Praise the Lord”
One day, an atheist bought the house next door to her, and he became very irritated with the spiritual lady. After a month or so of her yelling, “Praise the Lord” from her porch, he went outside and yelled back, “There is no Lord.”
Yet, the little old lady continued. One cold, wintry day, when she couldn’t get to the store, she went out on the porch, raised her hands up to the sky and said, “Help me Lord, I have no money, it’s cold, and I have no more food.”
The next morning, she went outside, and there were bags of food on the porch, enough to last 
her a week. “Praise the Lord,” she yelled.
The Atheist stepped out from the bushes and said, “There is no Lord, ha ha ha, I bought those groceries!”
The little lady raised her arms to the sky and said, “Praise the Lord, You sent me groceries and you made the Devil pay for them!”
——
** An old man came up to me at the cash machine and asked me to help him check his balance. I was surprised but I wanted to help … so I pushed him over.
——
** Want to hear two short jokes and a long joke?
Sure.
Joke. Joke. Joooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkke.
——
Question: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a state bar association convention?
Answer: The caterer.
———
** A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. “Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear.”
——–
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** The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the red hills of the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?”
The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars.”
“What that tell you?” asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, “Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically speaking, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically speaking, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically speaking, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Tonto?”
“You dumber than a buffalo. It means someone stole the tent.”
——
** A reporter was interviewing a 102 year-old woman from the south and asked about tips for reaching that age.
The woman replied “for better digestion, I drink beer. In case of appetite loss, I drink white wine. For low blood pressure I drink red wine and in case of high blood pressure scotch works. For a sore throat or a cold, I drink Schnapps.”
The reporter asked ‘When do you drink water?’
She replied, “I’ve never been that sick. “
——
** A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church BY HAND.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, kindly pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you do make a good point, my son.” The abbot goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and, feeling guilty, goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing “ We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the R! “
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, ‘What’s wrong, father?’
With a chocking voice, the old abbot replies, “The word was celebRate !!”
–—–
** A new pastor was visiting homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a business card that he had printed just for such an occasion that read “Revelation 3:20” and stuck it in the door. He hoped it would send a message.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic missive, “Genesis 3:10.” He reached for his Bible to check out the citation. Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”
** The Blonde Trio
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian boasts, “We were the first in space!”
The American brags, “We were the first on the moon!”
The Blonde said, “So what. We’re going to be the first on the sun!”
The Russian and the American look at each other and shake their heads.
“You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know….. We’re going at night!”
*********************************
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit during a party one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”
She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”
*********************************
** [Love this one – it is a bit like ‘the grass is always greener’ meets Zen]
There’s this blonde out for a walk along a local path. She comes to a river and sees another
blonde on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?”
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
“You ARE on the other side.”
How the Greek bailout works
It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.
Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, and he stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.
The guy at the Farmers’ Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.
The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him “services” on credit.
The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.
The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.
No one produced anything……..No one earned anything.
However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.
HAHAHA!!! :=) Thanks for the chuckles! Wish I had the ability to remember jokes to tell – glad some people do!