Rewarding Oneself. Where to Start? — When to Stop?
New Year’s resolutions are a topic of discussion everywhere as I write this. It seems this is the only time of year that ‘resolutions’ come to mind at all. Over 90% of them aren’t kept, and more than 25% don’t even make it a week. Lots of people ask why it is that we don’t keep them. The bigger question than that in my mind is what do we get for keeping our resolutions (for those who might actually manage that)? Whether it is a New Year’s resolution or an ‘any-time’ resolution, I often wonder if we are rewarded enough for our successes. What do we get? Satisfaction? Well, yes – that is good. Satisfaction in changing a habit or finally accomplishing that particular goal probably is truly the bigger prize. But how about some concrete rewards. If we were more conscious about rewarding ourselves, would we accomplish more? Hard to know, but worth the effort as you have nothing to lose.
How often have YOU heard someone say ‘you should reward yourself?’ I hear it a lot. And I agree. Sometimes I deserve the encouragement, other times it feels rather silly. Still, we all like rewards, but rewarding yourself is not always as much the ‘no-brainer’ as it sounds. Will you overdo it? Will it not be fun enough? Will it be someone else’s idea of rewarding? We need examples – and inspiration.
There is actually not a lot written on the psychology of rewarding oneself. Most times you find it as a subset of self-motivation, self-esteem or self-confidence. Well, good I want all that. I am taking a guess however that the limited specific literature is due to the fact that this is pretty subjective. Do you want someone telling you what is rewarding to you? Probably not.
The innate rewards for accomplishing change in our lifestyles are innumerable. It may be obvious, but one reward of any accomplishment is greater self-esteem, very often coupled with significant health benefits since many of our goals are health related. These prizes far surpass any small rewards we might assign to our successes.
Nevertheless, generally all rewards should be welcome.
It will increase your motivation for change if you plan even small rewards or gifts to yourself for goals you have reached (or when you feel you could use the lift for giving it a good start). For the purpose of incentive, remind yourself you are being rewarded for your efforts (progress, not perfection), and then enjoy it to the fullest. It you want to be even more zealous about it, take a tip from some researchers at Virginia Tech Psychology department, writing on bullying. 1 While I doubt that this is an issue for any of my readers (unless your retirement home has nasty clichés), the same idea applies. If you really want to motivate yourself toward a new goal, make sure your reward is for a behavior that is incompatible with the old behavior. This may seem apparent, and it is probably easiest when talking about food, but just keep it in mind as you set up rewards for yourself.
Below are some examples of rewards (big and small) which might fit particular occasions, your mood, interests, pocketbook or personality. Pick rewards appropriately– for instance if your goal is weight loss, avoid “food rewards.” If you hate sports, don’t plan an outing to spring training.
So the answer to the question ‘where to start’ may be to start right here. What about the other question of ‘when to stop?’ I hope that is seen as a trick question. The real answer is don’t stop. Why should we stop rewarding ourselves? You may need to change the rewards and some may stop functioning in their gratifying capacity, but then you simply may need new goals and new rewards. And I bet lots of readers have suggestions for good (and clean fun) rewards. So just enjoy. Both your choice of reward and the change you have accomplished (or almost accomplished) for which you are being awarded should be a pleasure.
Reward Suggestions
| .. Treat yourself to a ‘Maid for the Day’. | .. Take a Trip (even just overnight). |
| .. Plan a Trip (just planning is fun). | .. Acquire a new piece of clothing. (Recycled clothing works just as well; it is still new to you). |
| .. Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers. | .. Purchase new earrings (single ring for men). |
| .. Go for a nice hike in the woods. | .. Call a friend long-distance. |
| .. Take a sauna or a whirlpool break. | .. Get your car washed. |
| .. Get together with a friend and a joke book. | .. Take some special “for me” time – just to be quiet. |
| .. Celebrate Mental Health; take the day off from work. | .. Relax in a long bath with candles and scents. |
| .. Buy an enjoyable exercise machine or tool. | .. See a movie. |
| .. Rent a video. | .. Buy new shoes. |
| .. Sample new cologne. | .. Pick out new makeup. |
| .. Buy a piece of sports equipment (racquet, club, glove, ball, etc.). | .. Treat yourself to extra time on the greens, court or field. |
| .. Get a Massage. | .. Take a couple hours to relax with a book. |
| .. Listen to a music CD. | .. Listen to an audio book. |
| .. Do some gardening. | .. Take an extra-long nap. |
| .. Go bird watching. | .. Have a reflexology session (or trigger point therapy). |
| .. Go on a games picnic (board games instead of food). | .. Refurbish that ‘whatzamajigger’ item in the garage or attic. |
| .. Go swimming. | .. Buy theater/opera tickets. |
| .. Visit a financial planner (if it seems more like a reward than a punishment). | .. Take a dance lesson (or buy a dance video). |
| .. If you are not yet retired, and want some advice on planning, visit Can I Retire Yet.com and be your own realistic financial adviser. | .. Sit on a bench in a local park and do some good ‘people watching’. |
| .. Buy a piece of new software. | .. Go to a comedy club. |
| .. Get your hair done (styled, cut, etc.). | .. Have a manicure/pedicure. |
| .. Hire a chimney sweep. | .. Have a fire in the fireplace. |
| .. Write a letter to a friend. | .. Go to a concert. |
| .. Treat yourself to a day visit or a weekend at a Spa retreat. | .. Take cloths to tailor for long needed repairs you had planned to do yourself. |
| .. Take a ride on a swing. | .. Go fishing. |
| .. Do a long-life list. (Some people call it their ‘wish list’ or ‘life journey’ list. If you HAVE to call it your Bucket list, so be it). | .. Take a few hours for a new craft (especially that one for which you have owned the supplies for over a year). |
| .. Get your car repaired (the cost will not hurt as much if it is seen as a reward). | .. Allow yourself to sit and think of nothing (if that sounds like a reward to you). |
| .. Go biking. | .. Look through old picture albums. |
| .. Take a ‘bargain – weekend’ hotel room and make the most of it. | .. Take time to catch up on adding new photos to albums or If all your pictures are digital, organize your files. |
| .. Create a personal mandala . | .. If you knit, sew or crochet, buy some special yarn or material you like to work with & hold. |
| .. Play with art supplies on some media that you like the feel of. | .. Make a ‘date’ to cha-cha, waltz or tango in your own home. If you have no partner there, make a date with a friend. |
| .. Get a picture frame and put something in it that you love but would usually not put in a frame. | .. Move the furniture in your home to a new position – just a change of view. |
| .. Take a rock climbing lesson. | .. Plan a round of golf on a new course – even if a bit more expensive. |
| .. Take a zip line excursion. (You don’t have to wait for a holiday; you can find these treasures hidden away in local areas). | .. Have someone teach you how to walk on a slack line. Start low, start slow & be careful. |
| .. Take a free toured bird-watching hike. | .. Buy new bed sheets. If you can’t afford new ones and yours are dingy – dye them. |
| .. Try some special new coffee sensation. | .. Go out for karaoke. Even better have a party and rent a karaoke machine. |
| .. Enjoy ONE crafted beer at your local microbrewery. | .. Take pictures at the local park. |
| .. Close the blinds and dance around to your favorite music – for as long as you like. | .. Find a free music event to enjoy. |
| .. Learn the trees in your own backyard (library has plenty of free books). | .. Buy some new (or used) sheet music. |
| .. Buy a new smart phone. | .. Treat yourself to a magazine on one of your lesser-known hobbies. |
| .. Treat yourself to a guilt-free hour of watching Youtube videos (just watch out that you don’t get addicted). | .. Go Contra dancing. |
| .. Take in a double feature at the movies. | .. Go Roller skating – or ice skating. |
| .. Attend a gem, pottery or art show. | .. Buy a new car – but you better be rewarding yourself for a HUGE accomplishment here. |
| .. Visit a winery. | .. Take part in an official bird count in your area – or even in your own backyard. |
| .. Check out a store where you plan to buy nothing. | .. Try a new cereal. |
| .. Start a Life Review Project (see IONS). | .. Sign out a library travel video / CD (maybe somewhere you NEVER wanted to go). |
| .. Attend a First People’s Pow-Wow (Native American) and partake in a drumming session. | .. Get one of your favorite old (or new) TV shows (full seasons) to play on your media ‘when you wish’ – or from one of your streaming services if you have one. |
| .. Rent some cross-country skis and take a few hours for a lesson and fun. | .. Find a place (with instruction) to partake in a sweat lodge; this can be a repeat or just one-time event. |
| .. Sit down and laugh for 2 minutes. | .. Take off your socks and bury your feet in something that feels nice – a creek, footbath, plush blanket. |
| .. Take a drive on a road you have seen but never taken – the road less traveled. J | .. Join a church or community choir – enjoy the experience and the social aspect. |
| .. Throw a dart at a map and travel wherever you hit. [The more local the map, the less the cost.] | .. Buy a ticket to a show that just strikes your fancy, even if no one else wants to go. |
| .. Play some solitary game – on-line, mobile app or with cards. | .. Invite friends (or a friend) over for tea / refreshments and cribbage, bridge or some other favorite game. |
| .. Sign up as a volunteer archeologist – usually available for short trips. | .. Treat yourself to a few hours at the library just looking at whatever strikes your fancy, books, art, and magazines. Whatever. |
| .. Fill in the blanks | .. |
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Endnotes:
- McCarty, S. M., & Geller, E. S. (2011). The prevention of interpersonal bullying in elementary schools: Decreasing undesirable behavior by rewarding incompatible behavior. Manuscript under review.
- McCarty, S. M., & Geller, E. S. (2011, Summer).Want to get rid of bullying? Then reward behavior that is incompatible with it. Behavior Analysis Digest International, 23 (2), 1-7
