Perhaps it was the Jimmy Fallon return-monologue after Charlie Kirk’s murder. Or maybe Charlie Kirk’s widow issuing a statement of forgiveness of the murderer. Both were on my mind when at a meeting someone mentioned the well-known Norwegian studies of integral kindness and caring. It struck me that we have lost – and need to regain – a caring norm.
As I mentioned last month, for many, this is a period of stress and angst. I thought perhaps it was time to remind myself of the connection between kindness and service to happiness. Action I could take for myself. I figured many of you might feel the same, and appreciate the reminder.
There have been other posts on Aging_with_Pizzazz about these subjects, namely Brief-Thoughts-on-Kindness or Virus-time Volunteerism as well as Time-to-Consider-Reasons-You-Give-Time. However, during most of those times there wasn’t a collective consciousness attempting to overcome a heightened level of fear, anxiety, worry and anger as there is now. Yes, it’s the right time to remind ourselves how both service and kindness can help combat these negative feelings.
Kindness is Not Weakness
Much of our media concentrates on the anger, hostility and hatred emerging from the voices of many leaders in the country. Often these leaders see themselves as being strong. In the end it generally indicates weakness. Yet, we can’t control others or force them to be appreciative, pleasant people (sadly). Still, we can make a difference in our own life. Even if we have to start with an ‘act as if you mean it’ approach, it’s effective.
Granted, we need to stay informed, to read and understand what’s going on. That’s in addition to being active wherever we can to combat such hatred. Nevertheless, we need to concentrate on kindness and service where we can and approach this with humanity and strength.
I want to remind myself to be brave, but compassionate when possible – and it’s always possible. This courageousness can range from altruism, empathy, a gratitude-attitude or service and commitment to a greater cause.
When you are kind to others,
it not only changes you,
it changes the world.
— Harold Kushner, American author, lecturer and rabbi
It’s All Connected
There is a well-known model (and graphic you may recognize) developed by Urie Bronfenbrenner in the 70s, known as the socio-ecological model. Adapted over the decades, it has been used to communicate ideas in various fields like psychology, public health, social work and more; it works for us too. Underscoring the influence of ‘ecological’ levels, it demonstrates how an individual’s well-being (meaning each of us) is intertwined not only with self, but with groups and community.
It’s been repeatedly used to identify key patterns, insights, recurring trends (at all levels) even to consider something as ethereal as kindness. This includes the benefits we receive from our own benevolence and service.
No Act of Kindness,
No matter how small, is ever wasted.
— Aesop Fables
If the bumper sticker imploring you to “commit random acts of kindness” does not speak to your natural inclination, just wing it. We all might try to do one small (nice) thing or perform a service each day. Who knows, it may start to feel more natural.
Intra-Personal (Individual Self)
In high school, I recall participating in sports at both the interscholastic level; and other times with the intrascholastic athletes (or intramurals). I often think of this when confronted with “intra” and “inter” connections. Intrascholastics was within our single HS (generally less skill was needed if participating only in your home school). Interscholastics was competition between other school districts. Similarly, the intra level of our model is confined to the self.
Intrapersonal kindness or service focuses on taking care of yourself. Self-kindness is not selfish. As the model shows, it helps maintain our physical, social, emotional and mental health, with many arguments to be made about how this expands to serve more than yourself. One idea shared in many articles for such self-care is loving-kindness meditation, cultivating compassion and well-being.
Neuroscience research shows that when we perform caring service or acts of kindness it may affect our nervous system, particularly the region of the brain that’s associated with processing rewards. Further it can improve our mood and feelings of gratitude. Other studies have shown it can reduce stress, unhappiness and anxiety or even act as a pain-reliever. Better yet, there are strong indications that it can encourage a positive upshot on the body’s health, including interpretation of our health (how we think we feel), chronic health conditions, physical and functional limitation and even mortality. All in all, it can increase life satisfaction. Even memories or recollection of past acts of kindness can have this effect on us.
The World Happiness Report (2025 edition) notes that
benevolence and kindness are stronger predictors of happiness than income.
InterPersonal (Group)
Without a doubt, some of the beneficial behaviors we undertake fit both categories of Intra and Inter personal. Still, this area of service to others comprises all kinds of volunteerism, including civic, family, church or other.
Can’t say I often contemplated how kind-heartedness may affect a group or organization. Whether you are a leader in a group or just a quiet member, you can have an impact. Exhibiting kindness in a group can foster trust, encourage teamwork and enhance supportive relationships that improve the workings of the group and avoid turnover.
Researchers claim that kindness also increases valuable communication effectiveness. It reduces conflict, criticism and discourages cliques; thus, elevating group morale.
Choose Acts of Kindness that don’t make others feel guilty –
or “out of exchange.”
One term I learned while reading about group benefits was “servant leadership,” a phrase of which I was unaware. Its explanation is worth remembering whether we are often in leadership roles or only occasionally. A servant leader sets a foundation which prioritizes serving and supporting team members. Rather like a leader on steroids for teamwork. It takes to new heights the acts of giving others credit and thanks.
Community
I never really thought much about a community benefiting from kindness (other than large donations or those being willing to run for office in ungrateful times). But in 2020, in Southern Oregon we suffered from the Alameda Fire, which was particularly devasting to the small city of Talent, Oregon where destruction was harsh (almost 2600 household units were destroyed). The memory of the post-fire aftermath still haunts me.
During reconstruction, the city had banners that read “Building Back Together.” And they were. Supporting their work, research shows that the performances of kind acts and service can created a more harmonious community with a better quality of life for all. When there is social cohesion among residents, encouraging strong social bonds and community engagement, it develops a healthy community for the current and next generations.
After the fire, it became more apparent to us in the area that conscientious community members offering mutual support assists the entire collective-homestead. Hard-working neighbors are more inclined to provide aid to others, whether in an emergency or at other times. Further, such community members are more actively engaged in civic life, volunteerism in the area, protection of lands and parks, charitable activities and making sure that the welfare of all is a priority.
Living through disasters or other concerns it becomes clearer that the social cohesion that strengthens community bonds does more. It reduces crime rates (and perceptions of crime) and facilitates effective emergency responsiveness.
Kindness is the only service that will stand the storm of life and not wash out.
It will wear well and will be remembered long after the prism of politeness
or the complexion of courtesy has faded away.
— Abraham Lincoln
UNESCO #Kindness_Matters_Campaign focuses on young people and international partners, including academia, governments and youth organizations. The goal is to inspire kindness through storytelling. It’s a global movement seeking to develop creative solutions to our shared world problems and challenges, to support collaborative efforts and altruistic behavior to best accomplish the common good – all through kindness.
One of the near-and-dear goals particular to the young is protecting the natural world. Loving-kindness meditation (mentioned above) is another way to attempt to connect humanity to nature. Somewhat related to last month’s blog Japanese Forest Bathing for YOUR Equanimity but expanded to provide equanimity for all of humanity. Instead of kindness only for our communities, it’s kindness toward the world.
Final Thought
Kindness and Service have ripple effects. Remember the “Pay It Forward” movie and movement? The year 2000 movie (based on the novel of the same name by Catherine Ryan Hyde) explores the results when a young boy starts a ‘goodwill’ movement.
The concept of altruism, generosity and compassion towards all and not just the self, may seem naïve and unachievable in the US today. Many worry that this is so.
Nevertheless, while we serve our community the best we can now, we can also dream of “a kinder, gentler nation” as coined by former Republican President George H.W. Bush (Sr.). He envisioned a more supportive society, emphasizing kindness and goodwill, more compassionate and welcoming.
Bush spoke of believing in a more humane nation with those “thousand points of light” which symbolized volunteerism and service in America. That vision, if achieved, would create greater harmony, happiness and health.
You cannot do kindness too soon,
for you never know how soon it will be too late.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Picture credit: Hands holding the world via Freepik
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Resources – Random Links:
A range of kindness activities boost happiness – PubMed (2019;159(3):340-343. doi: 10.1080/00224545.2018.1469461. Epub 2018 May 15.)
Mindfulness and loving-kindness meditation: Effects on connectedness to humanity and to the natural world. D.J.Adventure-Heart, M.Proeve Psychological Reports, 120 (1) (2017), pp.102-117, 10.1177/0033294116685867
The heart and science of kindness – Harvard Health
The Norwegian national project for ethics support in community health and care services – PubMed
What Is Loving Kindness Meditation? (Incl. 4 Metta Scripts)
From Aging with Pizzazz
Virus-time Volunteerism? – Aging with Pizzazz
Time-to-consider-reasons-you-give-time/
