Just a Thought
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I am a tea lover (full stop). I drink coffee and other social beverages, yet tea (and its ‘ceremony’) is always the most soothing. I stockpile an abundance of varieties in the house to suit my mood. Re-brewing some of my better teas is not only cost-effective but still quite satisfactory. Nevertheless, after the re-brew and when opening the compost pail to dump the spent tea leaves, I often quietly reflect that “life is too short for a 3rd re-brew.” The 2nd is reasonable, but the 3rd is a slight deprivation.
I raise this philosophy partly because it is something I have not achieved very well compared to other Aging with Pizzazz subjects. Many blogs I write focus on behaviors, goals or concepts I already embrace. Conversely, this particular lesson is one not totally learned.
Two dear friends and I have chatted frequently over the past year about over-commitment. Partially, in terms of the ‘life is too short’ theme. “I’m sick of it all,” they may say. Or “I don’t feel appreciated, but even if I did, I am not certain it’s rewarding at this point.” Or “it’s all important to me, but I have to know when to stop.” On and on. They are intelligent women who are quicker to re-evaluate their lives than I seem to be.
The contemplation harkens back to one of the many sayings favored by my long-ago practice advisor, Dr. Whitney:
Knowing the Way is Not Going the Way.
I find myself repeating it time and again. This is one of those times. I KNOW that life is too short to cheat myself out of the little pleasures. I know it, but don’t always abide by the tenets. I know the way, but don’t always go the way.
Now I don’t mean foregoing buying my new shirt second-hand, instead of at Macy’s or REI (more my style). I don’t regret that. Indeed I like the idea of repurposing clothes, both for the cost and the “green” quality of recycling.
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The unlearned and more vital lesson is treating myself in other ways – mostly to more time. I cheat myself out of it. Most of you probably relate to this. I suspect we all do it. One of the reasons for this offending behavior is that I say “yes” way too often. Without consideration of context, complexity or ample cadre of companions involved, I dive in.
I’ve never fully grasped the message from a book that continues to collect dust on my bookshelf after many years – I Feel Guilty when I Say No. I admit that frequently it isn’t simply about guilt, but the desire to ‘do it all.’ I have a difficult time picking and choosing priorities, and an even worse time sticking to any ‘no’ answer.
I am making an effort. I am attempting to evaluate how projects or activities I have not chosen for myself drain my energy away from the ones I have chosen. I realize that it’s crucial to appraise that long before I am knee-deep in do-do (aka ‘doo-doo’) without time for myself.
So I claim I am making an effort, yes. As yet, I am not there. At least I am cognizant of this one fault (among others, which I may or may not be so aware). However, as we age, choosing priorities, and sticking to them, becomes more important. We begin to realize that time is undeniably fleeting – and worse, limited. [Really? Yes, I say to my 16-year-old-self, wake up and enjoy the time left.]
I wrestle with psychological elements that dictate and influence my behavior. Possibly I will accomplish this big transformation, possibly not. Still, I plan on continuing to remind myself “life is too short for a 3rd re-brew.”
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Picture credits: Tea pouring.. Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash
I think the human impulse to relieve or share empathy with someone in need, or who ask for help solving a problem is like an addiction to sugar. This came to me last month when a friend was in severe trouble due to a usurious car title-loan; asking me for help, what SHOULD I have done?
The “money” element only makes the choice stark. Your (and each of us’) private time is finite; we unfortunately know that fact. I just finished reading the Roman philosopher Seneca, who was forced to suicide by Nero. His little book of epistles is “How to Die.” After buying the book, it took me over a year to have the courage to read it. I do not personally plan any such event, nor wish for it; but we know it will happen. Thus, like drawing up a will. Prepare mentally, and finding time almost as a Marie Kondo squeek, “stop giving so much; unless it is legacy and love.”