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My First Memory of Making an Excuse
I had turned 9 years old two months before. I was now huddling – really hiding – behind the ‘cubbies’ wall of my 4th grade class. I had scurried there moments before as I knew trouble was brewing. Miss Calegery, dressed in black as always, no doubt to match her disposition, was calling the role while taking ‘milk and lunch money.’
Two cents got you a square red token for a pint of milk; 30¢ produced a round green plastic token for a full lunch. I never attended school with a ‘bag lunch,’ so received my round green coin-like voucher daily. Problem was, I frequently forgot my 30¢.
Now you may ask why my mother (the parent home as I left for school) didn’t make certain my lunch was accommodated, but that’s a story for another day. There was a bowl of coins near our front door. Unfortunately, often being just-barely on time for the bus (even at a run), I forgot to finger my 30¢ down-payment for the afternoon meal. I always finally managed to pay Miss C. back, scooping up extra coins, but this day I guess she was tired of it all. I could just tell she was ‘in a mood.’ So, I told a whopper.
When she called on me, I didn’t answer. Thinking…thinking…thinking. When she called my name again, I peeked around the edge of the cubbies, my usually-pale face glowing bright rosy as I fibbed that my mother was out-of-town. [As a spoiler, she called my house later and the chat when I got home wasn’t pleasant.] In the meantime, with the lie just barely past my lips, Miss C. glared unkindly and loudly pronounced “Missy, you’ve got more excuses than Carter has Liver Pills.”
Face now purple and pulsing, I skulked back to my desk. I didn’t really know who Carter was, but I knew this wasn’t good.
The Lesson
You can imagine I never forgot this scene, which is why I can recount it to you. I must confess that even now the retelling brings butterflies to my stomach. Still it was a good (probably easy) lesson about lies and excuses.
Nevertheless, the ‘lesson’ isn’t necessarily that simple. And it isn’t just a devilish tip to make certain your excuse is solid and can’t readily be confirmed or denied (as mine was with one quick phone call). There’s more to consider than just being found out – more to consider than just the automatic reaction of warning ourselves ‘don’t make excuses.’
This post is not covering all the steps we can take to stop making excuses. Instead, it’s my pondering about the pros and cons of excuses. Knowing when to…. when not to…. and exactly how to approach an excuse. One of the keys is knowing yourself. Luckily, at this age, we have a significant head-start.
Possible Drawbacks and Benefits of Excuse-making
Time and Money are the two most common, basic excuses. For those who have ever really been short on money or overwhelmed with what they must do in the time allowed to do it, these can be very real anxieties. Sometimes it’s a lame excuse; other times a legitimate reason.
Another justification, not generally said out-loud, is less convincing to me. That excuse is “I can’t change,” and it does have some circumstantial points to consider. Personal history informs us in determining whether “I can’t change” is true or false, or rather WHEN it is true and when not.
Let’s apply it to the very concept at hand. Assuming we can change excuse-making behavior if we want to (or make an effort to do so) then the question is when and why do we bother?
Drawbacks
Here are just a few downsides to consider; I don’t pretend this is a full list. [I am making the excuse of not having enough time to research a fuller list.]
- Making excuses can hold you back from moving forward, thereby reducing your potential, whether in regard to health, career, play and experiences, relationships, chores or other.
- Too many excuses can lead to regrets and self-limiting beliefs that you don’t have the talent, skills, ability or education to do something. Not giving things a chance.
- It may become a habit that you don’t realize you are demonstrating, but others see as a negative trait. [Did I really out-number Carter’s Liver pills?]
- Using an excuse of being too old (especially when done repeatedly) can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. USUALLY you are not too old.
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Benefits
It may seem unbecoming to defend making excuses, but I think it’s fair to realize there is a time and place for these simple, but strong, realizations.
- You may avoid meaningless mistakes or unnecessary failures.
- You may avoid unwanted responsibilities.
- You may escape stress.
- You might make an excuse that in some way benefits someone else.
- You may reduce the time spent on things that don’t inspire you.
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Guidelines I am Considering for my own Excuse-Making
The first step is to determine what is a “right” (vs. wrong) excuse. Of course, the answer is ‘it depends’ but in particular it depends on you. Admittedly, those two culprits, time and money, are definitely my top candidates, and usually in that prioritized order. I’m sure there are more. Then, I wondered if there are specific factors to consider before offering up an excuse. Again, surely there are more than I am offering here, but at least for now, these are my personal guidelines.
- Make sure that if you are going to use an excuse, there is some productive outcome you have in mind. (Example: I can’t finish this report and still have time for a zoom chat.)
- Stick to the truth if at all possible, but do it diplomatically AND with kindness. It may take more time to expand your detailed explanation, but it’s worth it.
- If you can’t stick to the truth, at least stay close. Maybe this is the difference of sticky-noting yourself to the truth versus gluing yourself to it permanently.
- Does it strengthen your character? Or are you using it to avoid something that might make you happier, more fulfilled, or some other nice adjective.
- Evaluate if the excuse (in the form of a decision not to do something – or TO DO something), is the best use of YOUR time and energy.
Two Duke University students taking Organic Chemistry had solid A’s before the final.
Confident as they were, they took the weekend off to party a bit in Virginia.
But they partied as hard as they had previously studied
and got back too late on Monday morning for the exam.
Soon after they found Professor Aldric and explained the situation (well, not exactly).
They kept somewhat to the truth until they said they had a flat tire on the way home,
which is why they were so late. Could they take a make-up?
Professor Aldric considered the two A-students and agreed that
they could take the exam on the next day.
The students spent their bonus night studying and even arrived early the next morning.
He placed them in separate rooms and gave them each a test booklet and directions.
The two clever students were happy to see the first problem,
something like ‘explain free radical formation’ (worth 5 points).
“Cool” they thought, “a snap.”
On the next page they read: (worth 95 points) “Which tire?”
FINAL THOUGHT
Pick your excuses carefully.
P.S. Carter really did have Liver Pills. And now I wonder if Miss C, unbeknownst to the wee kiddies in the class, was saying I was “full of it.” [Relatedly, they were used to treat headaches and constipation.] Wikipedia quotes the late Senator Robert Byrd as saying “West Virginia has always had four friends, God Almighty, Sears Roebuck, Carter’s Liver Pills and Robert C. Byrd.”
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Interesting Reading:
Excuses, excuses, excuses: Why people lie, cheat, and procrastinate? An older article from Psychology Today (May 18, 2010) by Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D., in their Fulfillment at Any Age category promising “How to remain productive and healthy into your later years”
Or Keep this link for writing a ‘formal’ excuse letter (even if I am offering it tongue-in-cheek): Formal Excuse Letter Sample (letter-samples.com)
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Title graphic: A positive cure for sick headache. Carter’s Little Liver Pills (front) by Boston Public Library is licensed under CC BY 2.0
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