For me, the approaching season is often odd and awkward. In the US, during this time of the year many people celebrate in personal, meaningful ways.  Yet, it’s not the case for everyone. I’m not certain where I fall on that spectrum. Still, there are a couple feelings most of us share.

As December rolls around, two concepts commonly emerge in our modern culture. One is about gift giving, the other about darkness and sadness, the latter exacerbated by our super-short days.

The Dark Time

As a heads-up, I’m not talking politics here. Although it’s blatantly clear that polarization of our politics does add to our dark moods.  Further, it has definitely been known to ruin an otherwise luscious holiday meal.

Nevertheless, aside from election season (and now it appears we endure a continuous election season) there is no season more challenging than winter – days of less sun, and conflicting holidays that can be either exhilarating or emotionally excruciatingly. It’s a useful time for us to watch for our own symptoms or signs of depression.

One of the reasons that holidays bring on the blues is the comparisons we make between ourselves and others. Why are we not living in a Hallmark Holiday movie script? Year-end time, touted as a celebration of family, may emphasize that we don’t have family, or all our family lives far away, or is estranged, or cherished members have died or are sick. Not a story the Hallmark channel would air.

Additionally, it is difficult not to feel sorry for oneself if either family issues are real or we hear what others are “up to.” We receive the special holiday letters, recounting successes (both real and imagined), financial windfalls, new business, recently developed products about to hit the market. We want to feel happy for those on our Facebook page or other social media.  And we do. Ah yes, but it can also create self-examination in which we never quite come out a victor. I know that for me, it’s important to admit these feelings and then talk to myself (perhaps not out loud) to explore the thoughts reasonably.

Darkness Self-treatment with Light

Darkness itself is an issue of course. Remember the fad of S.A.D. lights? I am rather sorry that these Seasonable Affective Disorder lamps were here and gone (although you can still purchase them easily). I miss them for no other reason than they high”lighted” (ha) the dark season effects. Quite frequently S.A.D. sufferers do find relief from these special lamps sitting on their desks.

BTW, if you ever wondered if you could use S.A.D lightbulbs with a regular lamp, the answer is maybe you shouldn’t. Your typical lamps, which don’t provide the same level of light ‘intensity’ are not designed for S.A.D. bulbs. Although some argue that with correct-matching wattage capacity and socket type it might be better than no treatment at all. Light therapy (from S.A.D. lamps) does help a lot of people. I might be one if I remembered to use it.

The Gifts

Despite mutual lamenting over commercialism and merchandizing of the season, concentration on ‘just the right’ gift is a frequent activity. It’s also a major stress factor. An unlikeable tradition that stays with us.

Cost during this time of year is likewise not to be overlooked. That same Hallmark movie, or commercials from jewelers, or heaven-forbid auto dealers put a strain on people thinking about what others have.  What they should do, if only they had more money. And that’s a short jump to “if only I was more successful.”

I dare say that the idea of “the reason for the season” is often lost and is the basis of more nasty fights in the political polarization wars, when conservatives and liberals think the other side is not celebrating correctly. Despite where you stand on that dividing line, it might be a good long-term goal to break the relationship between tons of gifts under the tree and the reason you celebrate.

Even considering gifts for children needs a fresh point-of-view. Would we not be helping young folks grow more content if they were able to deal better with their expectations and desires, and if we broke the chain of stuff and replaced it with valued time and experiences? Perhaps a compromise somewhere in between?

I’ve heard of people giving a child a personal gift but beforehand having them pick a present to donate to others in need. There are many such ideas for healthy giving.

That brings us to the title of ‘pick a gift for yourself and sign it with love.’ What can we give or provide for ourselves that is really from love?

Gifts Ideas Shared from Others

For those of you who have been active volunteers in any group, organization, religious order or family care givers, you’ve heard repeatedly that it’s vital for volunteers to take care of themselves. Recently, I joined a group of volunteers holding a meeting to share suggestions about how to accomplish that self-care.

Our particular mission sprung from the crisis of polarization causing headache and heartache, perhaps not the physical kind, but just as real. The group expressed the concern for all of us to take care of ourselves and establish good life balance to be productive and find energy to “Fight the Good Fight” or as John Lewis directed “make some noise and get in good trouble, necessary trouble.”

Pick a Gift to Restore Your Energy

If you don’t already have a list of your own (and actually I have another one as well), maybe use this one to pick your preferred self-presents. And remind yourself, as we did in my group, that you DO make a difference.

“Time to oneself” was the overarching theme, but we also concentrated on health, satisfaction and hope. We had 4 categories:

• Making Selfcare a Priority
• Living in a State of Gratitude
• Being in Community
• Being Hopeful

MAKING SELFCARE A PRIORITY

1. Do one enjoyable/fun activity EACH day.
2. Make sleep a priority; have a sleep hygiene plan (one appropriate for you).
3. Read a bit in many different genres.
4. Stay active, even if this means capping your volunteer hours.

LIVING IN GRATITUDE

1. Every morning & evening, say or write down, 3 things for which you are grateful.
2. Share your thoughts of gratitude with others, it’s contagious.
3. Look for opportunities to compliment and thank others (it will make you feel good too).

BEING IN COMMUNITY

1. Participate in local group events/activities both in-person and virtual. Attend at least one live event weekly or monthly.
2. Look for opportunities to invite friends, family and acquaintances to events with you.
3. Be a Mentor and/or Role Model.
4. Start conversations with strangers.

BE HOPEFUL

1. Keep something positive in your mind. Someone changed their constantly-used password to “Iamsafe…..”
2. Limit media consumption.
3. Connect with like-minded individuals (but be willing to talk to those not like-minded).

CLOSING THOUGHTS

1. Create a succession plan so that other people can learn from you, no matter your roles.
2. Step back so others can step forward.
3. Divide duties into smaller fragments to lessen stress.

 Final Thought

In a previous blog, I asked “Can you pick one typical chore in your life that you can lighten up on just a bit?” My follow up suggestion was to “Step away from efforts at perfection or obligation and just goof-off a tad?” I still like that suggestion.

Additionally, if you do plan on ‘goof-off’ time, try to pick something you really love (even if just for a short period in your day). I say this as my year-end gift to you. And as a reminder to pick your own gift NOW, before the year end gets too hectic. And sign your gift with love.

Happy Holidays to all, whether you spend it in a church, synagogue, mosque, fellowship or at a solstice event. Give yourself energy by taking care of yourself.

We’ll meet again next year.

Title photo: Women window shopping via Freepik

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