A Present to Yourself — Essential, Enduring & Free

[A SHORT POST]

A precious friend of my brother-in-law recently died. Death is not unusual. But more painful because it was suicide. For me, this quickly triggers all the “what if” or “if only” scenarios. They are thoughts of little use – and absolutely no use going forward. But go forward we must.

Watching for our own symptoms or signs of depression is useful – and no season is more timely than winter – days of less sun, and holidays that can be either exhilarating or emotionally excruciatingly. This includes situations that are double-edged swords, with ability to cut to the soul: family (and everything that entails), exaggerated successes as recounted in holiday letters, bombardments of enticements encouraging us to spend our limited dollars, or self-comparison to Facebook ‘happiness’ selectively shared by others.

Perhaps we can be cognizant of these events, but what if they “get to us” anyway? There is certainly help – a whole host of chemical drugs, herbs, therapeutic approaches and outreach to keep us all far from the ledge. I have no intention of covering them here. I simply wish to leave you (and myself) a present for upcoming holidays and challenging seasons. It starts with an idea that I can’t credit as I heard it in passing. It’s a vital thought.

If you ever talked to others
the way you talk to yourself,
you’d have no friends!

……..

Self-Talk

No one has made it to the age of 50 or more without hearing (perchance repeatedly) how useful “positive self-talk” can be to us. I am going to take that as a given. Still, have you noticed that it’s not always that easy to achieve? My own disparaging self-talk during dark times would be slanderous if spoken out loud. I know better (intellectually). You know better! Yet, we don’t always maneuver in the direction of desired results. I can’t suggest that positive talk alone can keep depression at bay, but it might cut some footholds into an otherwise slippery slope.

Here is one idea to keep with you. Choose the name of a friend – I’ll pick ‘Jayne.’ When times of self-talk are fixed on embellishing your failures, malicious thoughts, or destructive ideas, ask:

“Would I say this to ‘Jayne?’
Would ‘Jayne’ say this to me?”

……..

More than likely, if times are really tough, you will try to convince yourself that even ‘Jayne’ doesn’t realize how reprehensible or unsuccessful you are. Nevertheless, STOP – and go through the action of asking the question. It may break your cycle and even give you a chance to consider:

“Well, what WOULD ‘Jayne’ say to me?”
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Also, don’t ask Alexia Echo? I tried and ‘she’ has “no opinion on that.”]

Keep this reminder as a secret gift. I hope it might help you not only age longer, but do it with a bit more joy, contentment and maybe even pizzazz.

Enjoy the Solstice and every other part of the Season. [‘See you’ next year.]

Wishing you best of health,
drb

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Picture credit: Quince Media via Pixabay

 

 

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