Don’t Look Back — You Aren’t Going that Way

In downtown Ashland, Oregon there is a store named Paddington Station, a lovely shop with a true myriad of neat odds and ends.  On a recent visit, I was waiting at the restroom with its ‘do not disturb’ sign showing.  As I stood there minute after minute after minute, I began peering around at nearby products, specifically those ubiquitous ‘inspirational’ signs and plaques that most of us probably haven’t noticed for decades.  Since I didn’t want to move from my hopeful strategic spot, I was a captive, confined only to what I could view without relocating.  There it was.  A saying on a pretty little sign virtually spoke to me.  My title gave it away, so you guessed it already.  “Don’t Look Back – You Aren’t Going that Way.”

This was during a stressful week (month?) for me, so the possibly-trite phrase somehow struck me as a good attitude to assume.  I wasn’t alone. One of my friends in the middle of several life transitions also liked it.  Another said she was adding it to her email tag-line.  The next day, sitting in a community lecture, I found myself next to a lovely woman I didn’t know but who ended up telling me about her unusual and young divorce (of several months).  While certainly not resolved with it entirely yet, she was developing a new (and happy) life for herself.  I couldn’t help but share my new succinct philosophy.  [At least I didn’t say ‘it is what it is.’]  Instead of dismissing my simple idea about change as pithy considering her complicated situation, her face lit up and she said that she was going to the store to get that sign.  So far I wasn’t the only one who found it an encouraging thought.

This sounds inspiring.  However, I then started wondering how practical it was to recommend.  Not because recommendations of any kind usually fall of deaf ears for those of a certain age.  No.  But because I contemplated whether this ‘get-on-with-it’ type of cure-all is always the right approach for people in the midst of change.

I have a new brother-in-law in my life.  He has recently retired, and seems receptive to many projects or new roads to discover.  Likewise, several other friends are planning retirement next year or within the next few, and the sky may be their limit.  I attend classes were lots of folks are recently-retired and search out anything and everything of curiosity to them – some new and some ‘previous-life’ interests.  I have given the book ‘Can I Retire Yet’ by Darrow Kirkpatrick to several friends; it looks at where we are headed financially no matter our current starting point.  I have a sister-in-law who works with employees getting ready to retire and of course exploring the big question of their health care needs.  All these points intersect at a particular life interchange.

That intersection brings me to the idea of ‘looking back,’ whether for those retired, nearly or newly so, or those starting out in a Second-50 career.  It is transition.  This period represents new pavement on a road we are all heading down – with natural guard-rails keeping us traveling straight ahead.  Hopefully, to the best of our health, wealth, attitude, curiosity and skills, we look forward to something exciting.  Maybe new discoveries, adventure or a fulfilling endeavor – not just ‘something to do.’  Still, perhaps there IS a little room to look back.

In the healthcare category, we all need to consider our past history – injuries, diseases, conditions which demand we adjust our habits either the best we can or the most we are willing.  Our financial history (or injuries) may also demand continued attention to habits even in our years of retirement or half-retirement.

For those who have lost a partner, spouse or dear friend, there must be time to look back as well – time to recall intimate moments.  Fond memories contemplated or shared with others is an avenue to keep that loved-one alive in the heart.  Not to mention an opportunity to relive a bit of joy that frequently feels lost forever.

In terms of fresh projects, next-step careers or novel activities there is also one good reason to look back a bit.  We can draw on our previous skills and interests as we explore the process of transformation.

I am open to numerous new and unexperienced things in the front-facing years ahead.  But looking back, I like to consider all the things I have not done enough.  Things like dance, music, travel, rowing, learning about horticulture, history, literature or my backyard environment are on the virtual list. I have done them all, but just not enough to feel satisfied.  Other skills like writing, editing, speaking on subjects of concern may still offer avenues of reward to me.  I have done enough volunteering.  But I realize that considering my nature, I will most likely continue in that realm as well.

Reviewing the things we have done, not done, those we want more of or to improve, or those we can reflect upon to use in an altered scenario, is a way of ‘looking back’ and cataloguing our skills and desires.  Looking back can be a positive approach to what lies ahead, drawing on the past to re-invent ourselves (to the extent that is possible).  Thus, I am not encouraging needless reflection leading to remorse, or useless regret, both of which are rather a waste of our precious time.

“The past does not equal the future.”
Anthony Robbins
(whom you either love or hate)

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Agreed, we aren’t moving backward.  For good or ill, we all know we have no choice but to move forward and look ahead.  Moreover, it’s often unproductive or even hurtful to look back,  Nevertheless there is a rear-view mirror in the car for a purpose.  I guess we just need to use it wisely, to keep us safe and (emotionally) sound. We can learn from the 20-20 clarity of the picture behind us without letting it distract us from the life adventure ahead.

Morning comes anew each dawn
– Reborn awhile.
We dress in memories
– Both scars and smiles.
drb

Picture credits. Rear View Mirror Image by Erin Alder from Pixabay